Monday, May 7, 2012

A New Life

Where do I even begin? This past week has been absolutely incredible. Never have I felt such powerful feelings of love and warmth. Never have I felt so relieved and so blessed. Never have I felt so strong.

Going into this pregnancy I had a lot of worries about the kind of mother I'd be. I worried about my capacity to not only bring this baby into the world, but also my capacity to have patience with myself and the changes that come with having a baby. I desired more than anything to be strong, patient, and nurturing for this little baby, but I just wasn't sure if I could really do something so hard. Little did I know, as soon as I laid eyes on our sweet Vera, my whole world would change. I would change.

I can't quite describe the empowerment I felt after giving birth... I think only those who experience it can understand. It was incredibly painful {unlike any pain I've ever experienced} but it went very fast. I was in active labor for a total of 6 hours and only had 15 minutes of pushing. I couldn't have asked for a better delivery or recovery.

Those first few moments of Vera's life stand to be the most precious and sacred experience of my life... Holding my sweet girl (my daughter!) for the first time, feeling her breathe, hearing her voice, touching her tiny fingers and toes...  I was (and still am) so overwhelmed with gratitude and immense relief that my baby girl was here, she is safe, she healthy, she is forever mine.  As we held Vera for the first time, Jake and I shed tears joy as we looked down at her tiny body, her almond eyes, her perfect little nose... Even as an teeny little newborn, we could feel her beautiful, pure spirit. How could we have made something so perfect? I still ask myself that question as she lays quietly on my lap.

It's been one week since Vera was born and I have no desire to do anything but hold her, look at her, hug her, enjoy her. I'm enamored with her every sound, her movement, her sweet baby soft smell, and her very cute facial expressions.... Menial tasks, obligations, and even people could wait. Right now it is as if nothing else matters, almost like the worries of the world melted away when Vera entered it.

Sweet girl, you fill our life with such great joy, meaning, and richness. 
We love you, Vera Rae, today and always.